Recycling (Men) II: The Snowboarder

Yesterday evening, the “Big 3” decided to get together after work.  The Big 3 is myself and two of my very favorite ex-roommates from Hoboken. We all lived together in the greatest apartment in the world for a short period of time, but one of us moved out to live with her future (current) husband, and I moved out to try and be a grown-up and buy a place (which is about 5 blocks away from our beloved Big 3 apartment).  So we are all physically separated, but remain attached at the soul.

After a night full of off-the-wall, inappropriate conversation, Mel left to catch a train home to Jersey City, and Meg and I began the walk home to our respective apartments.  Along the way, we came across a newer restaurant/bar, the Fig Tree.  I remembered this place from a Yelp Elite event, and also from a former “fling” who sold wine here.  I suggested we stop for one of their “signature” cocktails, and Meg quickly agreed.

Once we arrived and were a full “signature” [very strong] cocktail deep, I decided to text the person who was responsible for introducing me to this place:  Snowboard Man.  I dated this guy for a good, solid three weeks last year.  He was a sponsored skateboarder and professional snowboarder, and is currently, a wine dealer.  His bright blue eyes and dark hair caught my attention at first look.  He was smitten with me as well.  At the time, we were super into each other.  He wined and dined me, took me to a car show, and introduced me to places in the city I would have never seen on my own…. then I found out he had a girlfriend.

I didn’t hold my tongue while Meg and I were sitting at the Fig Tree bar.  I made sure the bartender, and the Greek manager, Nikos, knew what a D-bag this guy was…. but I also made sure the D-bag knew I was there and that he should come meet me.

“Don’t worry, Meg. I’ll just make him come  here and then pay our tab for these ridiculously expensive drinks.”

“I want nothing to do with this.”

I ordered a couple of drinks after making sure Snowboard Man was joining us.  Why did I tell him where we were?  I think it’s just because I wanted the last word… (a year later and a few drinks deep).

He showed up.

Not only did I chew him out for trying to date me while he had a girlfriend, but I made sure he knew that the people at this bar also knew what he did (because I told them).  He wasn’t proud.  And he didn’t deny what he had done.

He assured the whole group of us that he was NOW actually single because his girlfriend had dumped him, (THANK FREAKIN’ GOD… because if she hadn’t yet, I was about to send her a message detailing the reasons she SHOULD).

Meg left, leaving me money to pay our part of the bill.  I assured her she’d be getting that back, because I’d be making the Snowboarder pick up the tab.  He did.  (A small price for his shady behavior).

He walked me home.  He assured me that this time he was ACTUALLY single and was really interested in dating me.  I laughed at him.  We got to my apartment.  I tried to say goodbye…. he tried to come in.  I decided to give him a bit of hope…for shits and giggles.   I told him if he could figure out my magic trick, I’d let him come up to my apartment.  There’s no way anyone is figuring out my magic tricks.

I turned around and got my coins ready (thanks, Dad!…and I’m sure you’re happy to know this is what I’m using the coins for)…. I told him to pay close attention while I made one coin disappear.  He was certain he’d be able to figure it out.  The coin disappeared.  He grabbed my arms and shook them.  He searched under my watch and in the cuffs of my jacket sleeves.  He eyed up the ground by our feet.  Nothing.  He was dumbfounded.  He looked like a stupid (verrrrry stupid) lost puppy (with pretty blue eyes and dark hair).

“Ok, well goodnight.”

“NO!  Give me one more chance!!!!  Do it ONE MORE TIME!!!!”

“Nope.  Sorry.”  One and done.

I said goodbye.  He tried to go in for a kiss… on the mouth… I turned my cheek and gave him a quick hug goodbye.  Are you KIDDING me, dude???

I went upstairs and made vegetables.  That’s my thing.  I make drunk vegetables.  Sooo good.  Two minutes later…. phone call… Snowb0ard Man….  Really??  Why?  I answered:

“I just wanted to say I’m sorry I tried to kiss you.”

“Ummmm….  okay.”

Get your cheating ass outta town. And thanks for the super fancy drinks.  Peace Out.  Ass.


9 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Meg
    May 08, 2013 @ 09:35:16

    I was hoping for more details about our delicious cocktail and our new friend Joe. But i fully enjoyed this and laughed out loud as usual. Peace out cub scout


  2. meowlissa
    May 08, 2013 @ 09:39:12

    i cant believe all this happened after i left! I went home, registered for a 10K, and went to bed LOL! I’m glad you gave him the brush off…!


  3. Andy
    May 08, 2013 @ 14:25:11

    Did you mean, “We obviously can’t be trusted to walk home straight”?
    Glad you’re putting your magic to good use.


  4. mom
    May 08, 2013 @ 20:49:59

    Maybe he want really into his girlfriend, and that’s why he cheated on her. Why don’t you give blue-eyes another chance to see if he’s reformable? Or. Not.


  5. mom
    May 08, 2013 @ 21:15:16

    Ok… You’re right. But don’t use him for any more free drinks. And stop drinking every night any how!!!


  6. missdonny
    May 14, 2013 @ 09:30:38

    Haha, both your mum’s comments are so mum-like I love them! So what’s in these drunk veggies? You should attach a drunk veggies prep video to your next post.


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